


The Difficulties of Secrets

by Impala_Cherry_Trickster



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awesome Gwen (Merlin), Bruises, Child Abuse, Confused Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), F/M, Fluff, Gwaine Being Gwaine (Merlin), High School, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), Merlin is So Done (Merlin), Physical Abuse, Pining, Protective Arthur, Protectiveness, Self-Esteem Issues, Ygraine Lives (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27795619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impala_Cherry_Trickster/pseuds/Impala_Cherry_Trickster
Summary: Merlin was going to tell them about his Mum's new boyfriend, he was.And then he didn't.
Relationships: Gwaine/Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Lancelot/Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 71
Kudos: 302
Collections: Merlin





	1. Cenred

The thing was, he did consider telling them. The first time it happened, Merlin lingered outside the classroom for a moment, wondering if his friends would understand what he was going through. He almost said the words, asked if he could talk to them, before Gwaine was throwing something at the back of Arthur’s head and the moment was lost.

They were an unconventional group. Guinevere was the smart one, always with her head in a book, or smiling in a way that never failed to brighten them all up. They’d been childhood friends, having known each other from the first day of preschool, and there was never a time when they weren’t together. Be it sitting in the library, or ogling the others as they played football, or having sleepovers in each other’s rooms.

Morgana was the one with the high social-status. Queen Bee without even trying, perfectly poised at all times and dating Lancelot, one of their other friends. She was a cheerleader, but she never bothered to spend time with the other girls, opting instead to join Gwen and Merlin while they lounged about.

Morgana was also the half-sister of Arthur Pendragon, Captain of the football team and a jock through and through. It didn’t help that he was also rich, both Pendragon siblings were, something that should have put them in different friendship groups. Instead, Arthur seemed amused by Merlin, the two having a strange bond that the others watched in confusion.

He’d hated Arthur, when they’d first met. He’d been bullying some kid, George, on the first day of High School, and Merlin had been the one to break it up. Naturally, he’d expected to get beaten up, only for Arthur to be bemused by his snappy mouth. Now, eight years since they first met, they were close. It helped that Gwen and Arthur were a couple, Merlin constantly having to guide the prat through the relationship.

Then came the other footballers. Gwaine, the rebellious yet annoyingly handsome man that managed to turn Merlin into a blushing mess with a sentence. Lancelot, the quiet one, who was one of Merlin’s closest friends, Gwen aside. Elyan, Gwen’s brother. Leon, the oldest of the group and definitely the mother-hen. Percival, easily the largest but the most gentle of the gang.

That left Merlin. He wasn’t part of the football team, wasn’t good-looking or naturally loved by everybody. He didn’t come from a rich background, didn’t have Daddy’s help to buy the newest equipment or clothes, worked two part-time jobs to try and help his Mum out with her bills. He’d known Gwen for the longest, and maybe it was because of her that he had found a group to fit in with.

On the day that it had happened, Merlin did want to tell them. They usually just laughed and joked, messed around and teased each other until one of them was scowling, but he knew they’d listen to what he had to say. Maybe they’d even be able to help.

Then the moment was shattered, and Merlin slumped into his seat, wary of the pain that his back was causing him. He ignored the jibes coming from his friends, didn’t acknowledge Gwen’s curious stares from her seat.

Mr Monmouth was their teacher. He had known all of them since they first joined, back in their first year, and now was watching as they prepared for University.

Well, most of them were. Merlin was still toying with the idea of staying, of increasing his work shifts so that his Mum had more help. She worked in the local hospital, usually during the nightshifts, leaving Merlin very little time to see her.

That was probably the reason he didn’t tell anyone, the first time it happened.

The day progressed, Merlin’s fear quickly diminishing as he spent the day with his friends. It had probably been a one-off, after all. When Gwaine ruffled his hair, and Percival offered to drive him home, he realised that he’d overreacted.

**

By the time Merlin realised that he had not overreacted, he was too far down the rabbit-hole.

Cenred was his Mum’s boyfriend. They’d met at the Hospital, Cenred visiting his sister Morgause while she was ill. Merlin’s Mum, Hunith, had been the one to offer comfort. She’d buy him a sandwich if he forgot dinner, would turn a blind eye when he snuck in after visiting hours. Merlin hadn’t met Cenred for the first month, instead listening to his Mum’s descriptions of this perfect man.

He’d never seen her so hopeful before. Merlin had never met his Dad, Balinor, he’d died when Merlin was just a boy. He never came up in conversation, and Hunith didn’t offer any insights into his life. He sometimes wondered what it must be like, to have a Father. Gwen’s Dad was nice enough to him, always offered a plate of food if he was hungry, bought him presents at Christmas and took him to see the football with Elyan. When Tom had realised that Merlin preferred the ice-skating that Gwen went to watch, he was more than happy to swap over to the other sport.

He wasn’t the only parent that had adopted Merlin.

Ygraine Pendragon, Arthur’s Mum, was one of the friendliest women he’d ever met. She welcomed him in with open arms, let him visit whenever he wanted to, and even dared to scold Arthur if he tried to make fun of Merlin. Uther, Arthur’s father, watched with an amused eye, but he would never go against his wife, so Merlin was quite welcome in the Pendragon household.

So, when he met Cenred, he’d wanted to make a good impression. It was important that he did, the man had managed to make his Mum smile, which was enough for Merlin. He’d dressed up nicely, put on a shirt and his best jeans, offered out what he hoped was his best smile.

Merlin didn’t know what it was about him that caused Cenred’s reaction. The hatred that burned in his eyes, or the utter distaste that came whenever they were around.

The first time he hit Merlin, the boy had almost told his Mum. He’d stood there in the kitchen, trying not to think about the fact that the hit had been hard enough for him to stumble to the banister in the hallway, bruising his chest. His Mum had been humming under her breath, an apron around her waist as she cooked up breakfast.

Three plates, not two.

That was why Merlin had gone to school, with every intention of telling his friends.

But his Mum was happy. When he got back from school, there was a reminder written in her familiar scrawl, explaining that she’d be late home. Under it, a ten-pound note, with instructions to treat himself to dinner.

His Mum liked Cenred, which meant that Merlin just had to work harder.

**

‘You just couldn’t be like the other boys, could you.’ That was the first time Merlin had an indication of why his Mum’s boyfriend hated him.

Merlin had never been normal. He’d always had abilities that others didn’t, whether it was the fact that he could absorb an entire textbook in a night, or the sparks that came from his fingertips that helped him see in the dark.

In this case, Merlin presumed he was referring to the fact that Merlin most definitely liked guys. Cenred’s hand was firm against his shoulder, fingers gripping the muscle as he was held in place. Yellow teeth, a breath that stunk of coffee, and a glare that made him stand very still.

‘She wants to be proud of you, Merlin. Make her proud.’ The last words were sneered, followed by a thump to his chest that sent him back to the ground.

By the time he’d picked himself up, Cenred was gone. He straightened, ignoring the pain of the bruises that would be forming, almost jumping out of his skin when his Mum walked in.

‘I’ll be working late tonight, but Cenred will be… Honey? Are you okay?’ Merlin swallowed down the guilt, plastered the biggest smile he could onto his face as he looked across at her.

‘I’m fine, Mum.’

**

He supposed the cheerleading squad weren’t unpretty. He sat with Gwen and Morgana, watched as they ogled the boys playing football, while he wondered how hard it would be to ask one of the girls on a date. How would he even begin to do it?

Merlin decided that he’d go for a girl that would make a good impression.

Her name was Mithian. She was friendly, had occasionally flirted with Merlin when they sat in Chemistry together, but perhaps that was because she thought he was gay.

He was.

But he could try to be the opposite, jogged down after practice and called to her. The other girls laughed and chattered amongst themselves, Mithian wandering across while Merlin ignored the burning gaze of his confused friends.

‘I was wondering if you’d like to go to the movies on Friday?’ That was what normal people did, he decided. That was where Lancelot had taken Morgana, on their first date. It was where Arthur and Gwen went when they wanted some time to themselves.

Mithian looked shocked, then confused, before a shy smile spread across her lips.

‘I’d like that.’ She murmured, before reaching up to peck a kiss to his cheek.

It burned, but he forced his lips to stretch into a smile, agreeing to pick her up at seven.

**

‘You know you don’t have to pretend with us, right?’ Morgana looked, if anything, confused. Merlin knew why.

Although he’d never openly admitted to being gay, the others knew. It was just a thing that had happened, an acceptance that came without him ever needing to tell them.

‘Pretend?’ Merlin faked confusion, thinking to the bruises around his neck, hidden by the neckerchief that Arthur called “horrific”.

‘About liking guys.’ Arthur bluntly stated, staring at Merlin like he’d never seen him before.

Gods, Gwaine was staring at him. At any other time, Merlin would be a blushing mess, tripping over his own words as he tried to deny it.

Instead, he shrugged.

‘I’m not pretending.’ It just seemed easier to get practice lying, he figured ignoring the way that Gwen’s eyes widened when he pulled out of her touch.

**

‘A… girl?’ Hunith’s head cocked to the side, a frown forming on her face, before it was replaced with a cautious smile.

‘Yes. Her name’s Mithian.’ Merlin repeated the words he’d been saying over and over in his head, dutifully standing straight while he tried to ignore Cenred’s smirk.

‘Well, if she makes you happy…’

No, not at all.

‘Then I’m proud.’ With his Mum’s seal of approval, Merlin looked to Cenred.

The man just grinned, all teeth, before wrapping an arm back around his Mum’s waist.

**

Mithian was actually fun to hang out with. They went to watch the film, a new release from Disney, before heading to McDonalds to share some nuggets. She was clever, Merlin realised, under all the fake-airhead acting that she used when the jocks were around. Her Father owned a business, Nemeth Enterprises, and she was looking to take over the company after getting a degree in business management.

‘So, as much as I loved the evening, why did you ask me out on a date? You’re clearly only interested in guys.’ His heart stopped for a moment, fear taking over as he remembered Cenred’s advice on his way out of the door.

_‘You better not mess this up, boy. Your Mum’s expecting you to bring her home.’_

A hand reached for his own, resting over the skin as her thumb brushed over his knuckles. Instinct had him tensing up, watching her wearily as she studied him.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ He lied, while Mithian just sighed.

‘Whoever it is you’re trying to convince, you shouldn’t. Anybody with a heart would accept the real you.’

Later that night, after walking her home, Cenred went against that statement.

He clearly had a heart. His Mum had never been happier, smiling whenever Merlin saw her, so it was just Merlin that was in the wrong. Merlin, who caused the anger that had Cenred shoving him back over the coffee table.

A boot pressed onto his chest, pushing and pushing until Merlin pleaded.

‘Try harder.’ Cenred simply stated, while Merlin promised he would.

**

This was a normal evening. They were at the Pendragon household, eating Dominos while Morgana painted Gwen’s nails. It was a calming atmosphere, the boys playing pool in the games’ room while they sat on the cushions.

He’d never had interest in joining in with them. He preferred spending his time with Morgana and Gwen, they were much better than the dick jokes that came with a group of guys. Relaxing back into the beanbag, Merlin even dared to pick up another slice of pizza.

Cenred had told him his body would never fill out if he kept filling it full of junk. He was supposed to stick to things that were healthy, things leftover in the fridge. This was certainly not allowed, and he would have to remember to brush his teeth before Cenred found him.

‘Here, Mer, let me…’ Usually, Merlin would jump at the chance to have his nails painted. The boys would tease him, sometimes, but he’d never cared much for the stereotypes that his gender were supposed to conform to. In fact, he’d let Morgana and Gwen dress him up more than once.

Then he pictured Cenred’s face when Merlin came in wearing nail varnish, and the boy snatched his hand back.

‘I don’t want them painted.’ He snapped, slightly harsher than he’d ever dared before. Arthur missed his shot, head shooting up to stare at Merlin in confusion, just like everyone else was.

Morgana’s eyes were wide, focused on the fact his hands were curled up in his lap.

He’d hurt Morgana, he could tell. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, he could chip it off tonight before Cenred noticed?

‘I mean, I don’t want them in green. How about… black?’ That was a masculine colour, right?

In the end, it didn’t matter. Merlin walked home, stopping at the store to get nail varnish remover, stepping into his home and halting when he saw Cenred sitting in the front room. The man turned to look at him, placing down the beer that he’d been nursing, before his eyes looked down to Merlin’s hands.

‘Some lessons clearly take longer than others.’

Merlin wished he’d upset Morgana.

**

‘Where are you going?’ Elyan called, alerting the others. They were like a Pack, Merlin thought, always quick to gather if they thought there was a chance of fresh blood.

Merlin internally winced when he was closed in, clutched at his PE kit while darting his gaze between them.

‘To get changed.’ He answered lamely, trying not to put too much weight onto his bad ankle.

Gwaine’s head cocked to the side, lips drawing back into a smirk.

‘Scared we won’t be able to resist that hot body of yours?’ A couple of the guys rolled their eyes at Gwaine, but Merlin just felt scared.

Very scared, because there was no way he could ever let Gwaine go near Cenred, not when the younger so openly flirted.

‘Shut up, Gwaine.’ He only realised his mistake once he’d made it to the cubicles, stripping off his suit jacket and trousers.

He never told Gwaine to shut up. In fact, he always encouraged the chaos.

**

‘Could I have a word, Mr Emrys?’ Merlin halted, then reluctantly dragged himself to the front of the classroom. Most of the others were packing away, but Mr Monmouth waited until they had all left before looking up at him.

‘Is there something going on that I should know about, Merlin?’ Panic was a natural response, Merlin told himself, clenching his fists and internally counting to three, before his lips formed what he hoped was a confused look.

‘No, Sir?’ The title made his stomach twist angrily, thoughts of how it had sounded when he’d addressed Cenred as such last night making him feel ill.

‘Your last two test papers have come back as D’s, Merlin. From an A* student, that is usually a sign there’s something wrong.’ He wasn’t being careful enough, Merlin realised. People were figuring out, then they’d begin to suspect, or they’d call his Mum…

‘I’ll work harder in the future, Sir.’ Merlin promised, before leaving the classroom with his mind ticking over.

He stopped in surprise when he saw his friends waiting outside, no doubt able to hear what had just happened.

‘Everything okay?’ Arthur asked, not an ounce of teasing in his tone.

‘Peachy.’ Merlin responded, nudging the older man with his shoulder before falling in step.

**

‘How are you doing, Merlin?’ Everybody asked him that question. He didn’t understand what was wrong, did he look different? Perhaps it was because he was finally starting to lose some of the baby fat that Cenred kept commenting on.

‘I’m doing fine, thank you Mrs Pendragon.’ He smiled up at her, watching as the woman hummed before taking a seat at the kitchen table.

Merlin gulped, wishing that Morgana and Arthur would hurry up in getting ready to go ice-skating.

‘Arthur mentioned you’d seemed a little down, recently. I know it must be hard, with your Mum working full-time,’ Ygraine’s hand stretched out, holding Merlin’s in between the warmth of her skin like she was his own Mother, ‘but I’m always here if you need to talk to me.’

For some strange reason, an urge came to spill the truth. To say that name, the one that made him cower in fear.

He quickly got himself back together, chuckling before offering a side-smile.

‘I’m just working to get to University, Mrs P.’

**

Merlin handed over his pay-check, watching as Cenred counted out the bills carefully. They were alone on this Friday night, with Merlin wishing his Mum would come back from her shift at the Hospital. Maybe if she did, then Cenred wouldn’t notice…

‘There’s twenty missing.’ His gaze narrowed on Merlin, while the boy swallowed down the lump in his throat.

‘I’m going out with my friends tomorrow, to the shopping…’ The hand connected with his cheek, the ring cutting into his lip as he stumbled back. Unfortunately, he was feeling rather ill as of late, making it harder to right himself.

He knocked over the boot rack, ended up on the floor in a rather ungraceful pile.

Cenred, as usual, opted to use his boot. This time, it pressed into his groin until Merlin was pleading, tears begin to streak down his face.

‘You’ll cancel that plan. I expect you here, doing your homework.’ It felt like he was about to pass-out, too much pressure and pain, before it was suddenly released.

He reached into his back pocket, fishing out the twenty he’d been saving.

Cenred looked proud, even patted his head appreciatively.

‘Good boy.’

Locked up in his room, Merlin reached for his phone, clearing his throat before wiping the tears from his eyes.

If he told Morgana, would she believe him?

He was about to, right before he heard the door open and his Mum’s cheery voice enter the home. The urge to see her was overpowering, Merlin creeping down the stairs and halting when he heard hushed voices.

‘… blame myself, I should have raised him better.’ His heart froze, right as he watched his Mum slump into Cenred’s arms.

‘It’s not your fault, Hunith. You did the best you could, as a single Mother.’ He watched as his Mum sniffled, hugging him back tightly like she needed him to survive.

‘You’re right. I’m glad he has you, Cenred.’

Merlin texted Morgana to tell her he wasn’t coming.

**

The first time Merlin tried to stitch himself back up, it was by copying a Youtube tutorial. He studied the needle they used, the thread that he was currently trying to poke through the hole, before sighing.

He’d hoped that it would stop bleeding, but the gash across his stomach had been caused by glass, and clearly was too deep to heal naturally. He thought about telling his Mum, or maybe even phoning his Uncle Gaius, before opting for doing it himself.

Eventually, he came up with the idea of using his gift to thread the needle. It worked, and with a grim satisfaction, Merlin turned the needle to his own chest.

Cleaning up was harder. His body was tense, and any time he tried to turn tears would prick at his eyes. He’d helped himself to some of Cenred’s alcohol, using it to clean the wound like the video suggested, but now it made his head woozy.

It took him a good ten seconds to realise his phone was ringing. He groaned, rolling over to pick it up before realising it was Gwen.

‘Hey, Merlin! You busy?’ He could hear the others in the background, realised they had been going out after school. He’d declined, knowing that Cenred wouldn’t approve of him spending the money.

‘Not t’all, Gwen.’ He slurred, then hiccupped, throwing another bloody pad of cotton at the bin. It missed, smearing a line down the wall that would cause far too much pain if he didn’t clear it.

‘Are you… drunk?’ It wasn’t like they hadn’t drunk before. He was eighteen, perfectly capable of handling alcohol.

‘So what?’ He shot back, before hitting the hang-up button when he heard feet on the stairs.

The door to his room opened too fast, Cenred studying the space, then focusing on where Merlin was sitting at the desk with his textbook open.

‘I could have sworn I heard talking.’ He accused, eyes narrowing on Merlin’s book.

‘No, Sir.’ Merlin promised.

For some reason, it wasn’t convincing. A hand gripped the back of his head, slamming it down onto the table loud enough that Merlin heard a crunch.

By the time he’d plugged his nose up, using one of the tampons he carried for Gwen or Morgana, he realised what had given him away.

The textbook was upside down.

**

‘How on earth did you break your nose?’ Gwaine questioned, while Gwen fussed with his hair. Merlin shifted uncomfortably, seated on the edge of the desk and wondering if he could get through the day.

‘Tripped up the stairs.’ He lied, knowing that it would be convincing enough. It had worked for his Mum, who had iced it and set it back in place, before cleaning him up and kissing his brow.

Cenred had ruffled his hair, called him an idiot.

‘Always knew you were clumsy.’ Arthur remarked, while Morgana continued to stare at him.

They were interrupted by Mr Monmouth, who came walking in to take his position at the head of the class. When his eyes finally landed on Merlin, his lips twitched back into a narrow line, almost like he was joining together dots that could be dangerous.

‘Remember, tonight is your last parent-teacher meeting…’ Shit. Merlin had entirely forgotten, bit his tongue while he thought about the fact that his Mum was on shift.

When the bell rang, he hung behind until he could approach his Tutor, the man halting when he saw Merlin standing in front of his desk.

‘Merlin, I was wondering how you were. How did you manage…’

‘Tripped up the stairs, Sir. Look, my Mum’s working tonight, would it be alright for her just to phone up?’ He was an adult, didn’t need to legally come to these meetings, and Merlin knew it.

Mr Monmouth paused for a moment, studying him over the edge of his spectacles curiously.

‘I will be calling her.’ He stated, like he expected Merlin to challenge him.

The boy didn’t, to busy calculating if he needed to change his bandages yet.

**

When school ended, Merlin was the first to spot the issue. With his Mum working tonight, he’d been offered a ride from Ygraine, who was standing by her car waiting for Morgana and Arthur. Both Pendragon siblings could drive, but they weren’t allowed to take the cars to school, for fear of them being damaged.

The group were buzzing, swarming with the thoughts on parent-teacher night, while Merlin looked across at the car in the space opposite.

Cenred rolled down the window, just enough to shout Merlin’s name, and the boy quickly hiked his bag up over his shoulder.

‘Guess I don’t need a ride tonight, thank your Mum though…’ He went to walk away, before a hand caught his wrist.

Gwaine’s eyes flicked between Merlin and the man in the car, while the boy held his breath.

‘Who’s that?’

‘My Mum’s boyfriend.’ He answered defensively, then realised his mistake.

He’d never mentioned Cenred before.

‘I didn’t know your Mum was dating.’ Gwen pointed out, trying to get a clearer look at Cenred.

‘How long have they been going out?’ Morgana asked, her interest sounding strangely real. Why did they care who his Mum dated?

‘Four or five months.’ Merlin said, shrugging nonchalantly, then flinching when the horn sounded.

‘See you tomorrow.’ He stated, before beginning the hurry across to the car. He almost forget to place a hand over his stitches as he climbed in, bracing them for the movement of sitting down.

‘Friends of yours?’ Cenred asked, without looking across.

‘Just classmates.’ Merlin answered, clicking his seatbelt into place.

**

It was an accident. Merlin had been daydreaming, forgetting all about the fact that he was supposed to be listening to his Tutor whistling along about future plans. The bell rang, but Merlin was still distracted.

It should have been a strange sort of irony that it was Mithian that figured it out first.

One moment, Merlin was sitting at his desk, remembering how angry his almost-stepfather had been last night when Merlin dropped the casserole dish, the next, there was a hand on his arm.

‘Don’t TOUCH me!’ He yanked it back, fully ready to try and brace himself for a blow that never came, instead greeted with Mithian’s wide eyes.

A hand sealed around his wrist, the one he’d pulled back, and Merlin didn’t have a chance to stop Morgana from yanking the sleeve back.

Dark bruises stained his pale skin, a handprint that had been left a couple of days ago.

Merlin fell very still, looking from Morgana, to Mr Monmouth, who had just witnessed the exchange.

He was lucky the classroom was mostly empty, save for his friends and Mithian, otherwise the entire class would have witnessed Merlin promptly fleeing from the room and slamming the door between them.

He made it to the locker room, shutting the door and running to one of the cubicles before sinking down, muffling his sob with the back of his hand. But one didn’t seem to be enough, because all of a sudden he was crying, properly crying, and his entire body ached.

The door creaked open, and Merlin watched the feet approaching his stall, before someone slid down on the other side.

‘Merls?’ Gwaine’s voice was usually the most soothing thing in the world, but right now, it was nothing but terrifying.

He forced himself to stay quiet, refused the satisfaction of giving in to crying.

‘Mr Monmouth’s calling Mrs P, ‘cause your Mum’s at work.’ Belatedly, he realised that it wasn’t all over. That he hadn’t ruined his chances, because he only had to convince Mrs Pendragon that he was alright.

‘Did… has someone hurt you?’ An open-ended question, with Merlin trying to ignore as he pushed his head back to the tiles.

‘I did that First Aid course, I could have a look? I’m not judging, mate, I just want to make sure you’re okay.’ He wasn’t okay. He wasn’t, because his body was curled in on himself and his stitches hurt, the bruising painful enough on a good day.

‘The others are outside. If you’d prefer one of them…’ No, he wouldn’t prefer one of them. In fact, he wanted none of them to be present, didn’t want anyone to see this.

He felt sick. Tired, and drained, and he just wanted to see his Mum. But going home meant seeing Cenred.

He could leave. Run away, to a place where nobody knew him, where his Mum didn’t have to worry and Cenred could make her happy.

‘Silence is good, too. I’ll probably fill it, you know that I love the sound of my own voice…’ Merlin had pushed them away repeatedly, but they were still here.

Gwaine was still here.

Would it be so bad, to tell one of them? They may think him weak, call him a coward or an idiot or worse, tell him he deserved everything, but at least somebody would _know_.

He didn’t do anything. Mostly because he couldn’t think, couldn’t even breathe, tried to stop his chest from rapidly rising and falling while a hand stayed over the stitches. His nose hurt, his head was spinning, and just wanted everything to end.

His fingers dug into his thighs, deeper and deeper, until he heard the door open yet again.

‘Mrs P.’

‘Gwaine, sweetheart, would you give me a moment with Merlin? You can come right back once I’ve spoken with him.’ Gwaine muttered a goodbye, before his footsteps echoed out, and were replaced with a pair of boots.

‘Merlin, would you mind unlocking the door for me? I can promise you, whatever happens, it stay’s between you and me until you’re ready.’ As usual, Ygraine’s voice held a tone of control over it. Commanding, yet gentle, comforting in a way that reminded him of his Mum.

It took him a couple of minutes to reach for the door.

When Ygraine finally stood in front of him, he waited for the disapproval. For judgement, or Ygraine marching him out of the bathroom, but neither happened.

‘Would you like a hug?’ The question was strange, because he’d never actually been asked if he wanted affection, but he was grateful for it.

He stumbled blindly into her arms, nodding while trying not to fall. Hands wrapped around his back carefully, fingers spread out like she was trying to maximise what she could feel. A hand rested in his hair, gently holding him like she would a babe.

He was ruining the corner of her shirt, sobbing once more, but she didn’t point that out.

‘We’re going to take you home with us, if that’s alright with you? The others have offered to join, if you’d like them there.’

They knew. He wasn’t sure how much, but there was no way he could go back in time, pretend that nothing had happened.

More importantly, he was tired of trying to fight it.

If his Mum chose Cenred, then Merlin wouldn’t stand in the way.

He nodded numbly, felt an arm wrap around his shoulders and ignored the way it crossed over some of the worse bruises. He was guided out of the bathroom, heard Ygraine talking to Mr Monmouth while Morgana and Gwaine came to flank either side.

Uther was also here. He’d brought a second car to take everyone home, with Percival also taking his car back to the Pendragon Mansion.

Merlin didn’t speak. He just stared out of the window, wondering if he’d have enough money to prove for himself when his Mum kicked him out.

He was guided inside by Ygraine, while Uther disappeared once more, and the others settled in the main room. A cup of something warm was placed in front of him, while Merlin’s stomach toiled.

‘When was the last time you ate something, my boy?’ She was asking him a question, he realised, then tried to think back.

It certainly hadn’t been today. He might have snagged an apple yesterday morning… no, wait, that had been the day before.

‘Monday.’ He admitted, a hand creeping out for the cup, before he winced as the movement hit his stomach.

Ygraine’s eyes narrowed, before she looked behind Merlin.

‘Merlin, would you let someone have a look at you?’ He was confused, just for a moment, until he was greeted by a familiar face.

Nimueh was the Pendragon’s nurse, a woman that had helped Ygraine survive childbirth, and raising both Arthur and Morgana. She was a kind-looking woman, although her eyes always seemed to narrow whenever Uther was in the room.

If Nimueh had been called, then Ygraine expected him to be injured.

‘Would you be more comfortable in here, or going somewhere private, Mr Emrys?’ His surname didn’t belong to him, it belonged to Balinor. A Father he’d never had, a man that clearly wouldn’t be impressed if he saw what Merlin had become.

He honestly did think about moving somewhere private, before realising that his legs weren’t too keen on moving. Plus, he had a warm drink here.

The others were in the room, but considering they’d already seen him at various stages of undress before, he figured it wasn’t too bad.

Taking his shirt off wasn’t easy, using his good arm to yank it over his head and ignoring whoever made a hissing sound.

He thought, in some strange way, that the colours were rather pretty. Mismatched, some yellows and greens, others darker. A handprint that sat at the base of his throat, and of course, the gauze from yesterday’s wound.

Nimueh remained professional, simply began to examine each cut and bruise. She ignored the gauze entirely, turning him around and reaching for the belt-buckle mark that had dug into his skin. The boot-prints were slightly more defined than he realised, but he found himself rather cold towards the thoughts of his skin.

Ygraine was watching with a neutral expression, even if her eyes were watery.

‘Can I ask about this?’ Nimueh’s fingers reached the edge of the gauze, and Merlin tensed up. The Doctor simply guided him back to the chair, Merlin taking a seat and reaching for the warmth of his drink.

‘It’s a cut.’ He answered, before sipping. Hot chocolate, warm enough to be almost-scolding, but he didn’t care. It was a pleasant burn.

‘May I?’ She waited for his nod before beginning to undress the wound, pausing as she stared.

‘These are impressively stitched. Did your Mother do them?’ After he answered, Merlin realised that the question had been aimed so they could make sure Hunith didn’t know what was happening.

‘No, I watched a video on Youtube.’ Nimueh flashed him a smile, before glancing to Ygraine.

‘They don’t need redone, I’ll take them out in a couple of weeks. Antibiotics to prevent infection, and some anti-inflammatories to reduce swelling.’ Ygriane nodded, while Nimueh paused.

‘Do they go any further down?’ Merlin’s throat clogged up, somewhere around the time he thought to the boot repeatedly crushing his groin.

Someone in the back swore, and Ygraine sent the group out.

Nimueh’s questioning remained a blur from there, gentle fingers trying not to hurt, with apologies every time Merlin flinched.

**

When Merlin was released, his instinct was to sleep. Luckily, Gwaine didn’t seem to mind the fact that he was chosen as Merlin’s pillow. He came to settle by the man’s side, curled up and let himself lay there until his eyes were too heavy to stay open.

People were talking, an occasional hand pressing to his forehead, someone shaking him awake to feed him tablets before he fell back asleep. Throughout it, Merlin was gently held by his friend, comforted by the fact that they didn’t question him further.

He woke up to someone crying. It was more like a sob, a punched-out cry that sounded so heartbroken that Merlin wrenched his head up. He was still shirtless, with different bandages in some of the worse places, the room nice and toasty thanks to the fire that had been lit (funny, he could have sworn Nimueh didn’t use matches).

Hunith wobbled in the doorway, while Merlin weakly stumbled to his feet, Gwaine’s hands darting out to steady him.

‘We’ll give you a moment.’ Ygraine prompted, before ushering the others away, Gwen the last to go with a kiss to Merlin’s cheek.

He wasn’t sure who caught who. Maybe it was him, stumbling as he tried to get close, or Hunith falling as she sobbed into his hair. All he knew was he was being held, being comforted, rocked back and forth as she muttered different apologies into my hair.

‘Oh sweetheart, oh my baby boy, I’m so sorry.’ She kissed the tip of his nose, just like she’d done when he was a babe, and Merlin was content to settle against her.

It wasn’t over, but it was a hell of a lot better than it had been.


	2. A mystery?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's not having a great time tbh

In the weeks that followed, there was a whole lot of action buzzing around Merlin, while he stayed very still in the centre. People kept asking him how he was, if he needed anything, if he’d had a good day. People asked if he’d spoken to the policemen again, or if he’d heard anything about Cenred. His Mum would ruffle his hair and encourage him to sit down at dinner, would ask if the bruises had disappeared yet and did he want to talk about what happened.

Merlin did not want to talk about what happened. Not with his Mum, not with his friends, and certainly not with Mr Monmouth. He was quite happy to go around pretending that the entire thing hadn’t happened, even if he knew the others were talking about it when he wasn’t around. It was the height of gossip in the town, almost everyone had heard about it by now, which was probably why his Mum came to the conclusion that he should see a therapist.

‘He’s a lovely man, I’m sure the two of will get along brilliantly.’ Sometimes, Merlin wished his Mum didn’t work in a hospital. She knew everyone, including the therapist that Merlin was currently missing school to see.

He hadn’t wanted to miss school. His grades were only just starting to pick up, but he also knew that he had to make his Mum happy, so this was the way.

The house was quiet. Ever since Cenred had left, cursing Merlin’s name and drawing the attraction of the neighbours as he was silently escorted to a police car, Merlin had found the house uninviting. It was strange, he should feel safer now that the man was gone, but that wasn’t the case.

The emptiness was so much worse. When his Mum was away, Merlin’s mind would wander back to the feeling of pain, to how much it had hurt. Despite the bruises, it had grounded him in a way he didn’t understand. All he knew was that without it, the buzzing in his head got worse. It got harder to drag himself from bed, made it harder to smile when they all knew what had happened.

Gwaine would want to talk to him later. They were going out for milkshakes, and Merlin was actually looking forward to that moment, because Gwaine was the only one that didn’t push him for answers. There was no sympathy, just the continued banter and teasing, even if the flirtation had dimmed a little.

When the door knocked, Merlin had to abandon his musings, opening the door and studying the man in front.

He didn’t look like a therapist. In fact, he looked rather scruffy, with long hair and a wildness in his eyes that Merlin didn’t like.

‘Hello.’ He prompted, hoping that the therapist would take over. After all, he had no idea how this was supposed to work, and was only doing it because his Mum had asked nicely.

‘I… you… Is Hunith home?’ Merlin frowned, he could have sworn his Mum had said that he was aware they’d have the home to themselves.

‘No, Mum’s working today.’

‘Mum?’ He questioned, eyes widening dramatically as he studied Merlin.

‘Aren’t you the therapist?’ Merlin finally asked, ignoring the way his fingertips began to burn with the temptation to make sparks. That hadn’t happened in a while, not since before Cenred.

‘Therapist?’ The man echoed, looking like he’d just stumbled upon a whole can of worms he didn’t want to open.

Merlin waited, watched as the man composed himself, and then offered out a hand.

‘Sorry, let me start from the beginning,’ Even before he said the next words, Merlin knew he wasn’t going to like them,

‘My name’s Balinor.’

He was right.

**

His Mum didn’t answer the calls. Balinor was peering at a photo on the countertop, fingers brushing over the glass while Merlin tried to work out what was going on inside his own head. He was alone in a house with a man that he’d been told was dead, yet they clearly weren’t. The silence was unbearable, along with the way Balinor kept staring at the still-fading handprint around his exposed neck… well, Merlin wasn’t having the best of times.

In the end, he gave up trying to call his Mum and rang the next best person.

‘Merls?’ Answering on the second ring, Gwaine sounded slightly breathless. Right, they were at school, and it would probably be football practice that he’d just interrupted.

‘Can you come over?’ He hated to ask, hated himself for how weak he felt in that moment. Balinor’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t comment, and he heard Gwaine shout Arthur’s name briefly.

‘Yeah, sure. You good with the rest of us flunking school?’ A stab of guilt, he shouldn’t be dragging them out, but he also didn’t trust himself.

Nor whatever gift he had been given, that was trying to lash out.

‘As long as you come soon.’ His chest was tightening up slightly, a cord wrapping tighter and tighter until he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

‘We’ll be ten minutes, hold tight.’ Gwaine didn’t ask what was wrong, and for that, Merlin was grateful.

With the call over, Merlin lowered the phone, looking up warily at the man in the room.

‘You don’t trust me, which is understandable,’ He dug his fingers into his denim jeans, trying not to make the movement obvious, ‘But I’m only here for good. I promise.’

Strangely, one man’s word didn’t count for much in Merlin’s books. He stayed silent, leg bouncing as he perched on the stool, ready to flee if he had to. He’d left a message on his Mum’s phone for her to come over soon, and hopefully she would, because Merlin didn’t want to be the one to deal with it.

The therapist still hadn’t shown up, either.

By the time the doorbell rang, Merlin was close to running. He wasn’t sure where he was going to go, just that he wanted to be as far away from the man sitting in the kitchen like the house belonged to him.

Maybe it did.

The door opened, revealing a flushed Gwaine wearing his football gear. The others were in similar clothes, apart from Morgana and Gwen, who were in uniform with their schoolbags hanging over their shoulders.

‘You came quickly.’ Merlin commented, fear ebbing away as Gwaine smirked.

‘Percy and Lance broke the speed limit.’ He winced, ashamed to have called them away so quickly, but Gwaine was already stepping into his house like he was perfectly at home.

They group didn’t usually come to his home, just because of the size. But recently, with Gwaine had been spending more time here, when his Mum was away and Merlin didn’t want to be alone.

‘Anything in particular got you looking like you’re about to pass out?’ Gwaine asked, eyes darting over his form as they moved into the living room.

‘I… it’s a little complicated, I just…’ Merlin halted, because Gwaine wasn’t staring at him, but at the man that walked in from the kitchen.

‘Who’s this?’ Arthur was already squaring up, a group of very protective friends ready to defend him if needed.

Merlin sucked in a breath, trying to steady the shaking in his hands.

‘This is… well, he says he’s Balinor.’ Gwen squeaked, while Morgana rocked back like she was in shock.

‘Balinor?’ The guys were clearly confused, but not for very long.

‘Merlin’s Dad.’

**

‘I’m quite clearly alive.’ Balinor pointed out, while Merlin chewed on his lip. He’d been bundled up between Morgana and Gwaine, while Gwen made tea and Arthur started questioning the man in front.

‘Do you have any photos of him?’ Percival asked kindly, Merlin shaking his head sharply.

‘Ma said she didn’t have any.’ Gwaine’s hand moved to his thigh, stopping it from bouncing up and down, which left the room in near silence.

When the doorbell rang for the third time in this short day, Merlin had almost completely forgotten that he was expecting someone else.

‘Another long-dead relative?’ Gwaine quipped, Merlin blushing when he realised he hadn’t exactly told his friends that he was going to be seeing a therapist.

‘A therapist, apparently.’ Balinor remarked, eyes focusing back on Merlin. The boy halted, trapped in the stare for a moment, before he remembered the person at the door.

Another man, but this one was significantly less terrifying than Balinor. Grey hair, curled slightly and longer than expected, with a pair of round glasses currently sitting on top of his head. He wore suit pants and a shirt, without the tie, and carried a small leather bag.

‘You must be Merlin Emrys,’ He really hated the surname, especially when the one that gave it to him was sitting in the other room, ‘My name is Iseldir, a friend of your Mother’s, who asked me to speak to you today.’ He really did seem like an alright person, Merlin thought, before sighing.

‘Welcome to the chaos.’ He grumbled, stepping aside to allow the man into the house.

**

He regretted every complaining that his house was empty. In comparison, this was much worse, with Iseldir quickly realising that there was no way Merlin was going to talk to him when Balinor was still in the house. If he was shocked about Hunith’s husband being here, he hid it well, moving outside to call someone.

It wasn’t Hunith, and Merlin could have sworn he heard his Uncle Gaius’s name mentioned.

Gwaine was still circling Merlin protectively, hovering and snapping at Balinor if he ever got too close. Arthur had opted for calling Ygraine, with Merlin’s permission, to explain what was happening.

Merlin just sat in the living room, trying to work out if it was normal to hear the ringing inside his head. Everything felt rather numb, like he wasn’t actually here, rather floating around. Unseen, unheard, and he let his thoughts focus on everything he’d been told about his Dad.

Balinor had died. In a car-crash, according to his Mum, and it had been very sad. Merlin had been two.

Quite clearly, that was a lie. Merlin was supposed to trust his Mum, no, he _needed_ to be able to trust her. She’d stood by him when she found out what had happened with Cenred, had offered to sit by his side when he eventually was coaxed to tell the Police about the incidents.

So why had she lied to him? Why was he sitting in his own home, unable to think clearly with too many thoughts bubbling around.

His fingers itched with the need to use his gift, his… whatever it was. Curse, burden, something that his Mum had made him promise not to ever show anyone else.

He stood up, moving towards the kitchen as if on autopilot, deciding that a glass of water might clear the lump in his throat. Reaching for the glass was difficult, especially considering the recently-removed stitches in his side, and as he strained on tip-toes to reach the back of the cabinet, he wondered why he’d given everyone else a glass before him.

Logically, he shouldn’t have ever used his skillset. Not when there were a lot of people in his home, none of whom would understand.

Still, he was thirsty, and his mind wasn’t exactly on the same wavelength as the rest of them. Holding out his hand, he simply willed the glass to move to his hand, then turned to the sink.

Only to find Gwaine in the doorway, eyes focused on the cup in his hand.

A stalemate broke out, neither moving, nor talking. Gwaine’s eyes darted from the cup to Merlin’s eyes, then back again, while he tried to work out why he thought Gwaine wouldn’t follow him to the kitchen.

It was broken by Iseldir walking back into the room, Gwaine smoothly moving across to run the tap for Merlin like nothing had happened.

‘Your Uncle has managed to contact your Mother, she’s on her way home now.’ Merlin didn’t know if he was grateful for the way that Gwaine’s hand steadied his, filling the cup before turning the tap off.

‘Thank you, Sir.’ Gwaine chimed, while Merlin stared at the point where Gwaine’s hand was on his own.

Suddenly, life had got a whole lot more complicated.

**

‘Sweetheart…’

‘Merlin’s more than welcome to spend the evening at ours, Mrs Emrys.’ Morgana chimed in, fingers looping through Merlin’s in a way that had him relaxing back.

He was angry. Right down in his stomach, bubbling away along with the embarrassment of having to sit here and be coddled by his friends.

Hunith studied him for a moment, before looking back to her husband.

‘Very well. I want you at school tomorrow, and at your appointment with Iseldir afterwards.’ He let her have this victory, inclining his head slightly before following Morgana up to his room.

She went to begin packing, moving through his cupboards like she knew exactly where everything was. In hindsight, he realised she probably did, sitting quietly on the edge of the bed as she moved around. With a bag packed, she faltered.

‘What’s this?’ Merlin snapped his head up, felt his stomach tighten when he saw what was between her hands.

A small pouch, containing the needles and threads, scissors and a scalpel that he’d stolen from his Mum’s collection. Morgana wasn’t looking in it, not beyond seeing what it looked like, and Merlin tried to work out why exactly he’d put all of it together.

He wanted to say it was to heal himself, to patch himself up when he had to, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, he felt himself shrugging, and Morgana’s confused look softening to a smile.

‘Gwaine’s staying over as well, something about wanting to talk to you.’ Morgana chatted away, perfectly content to take over where Merlin fell silent.

Of course Gwaine wanted to talk. He’d seen Merlin do something that wasn’t possible.

He sighed, let his head rest against the glass of the car as he settled into the backseat.

**

The Pendragon siblings were bickering like usual, while Gwen tried to be the middle-man. Lancelot had wisely stayed out of the argument, instead adopting the tactic of trying to coax Merlin out of his silence with different gossip. He did try to get involved, really, he did. But it was exhausting trying to keep up with it, and Merlin was quickly losing the encouragement to keep his eyes open.

‘I’ll take him upstairs.’ Someone murmured, before a gentle hand came to settle on his thigh.

He’d not been concentrating, so of course he tensed up, but Gwaine’s touch was familiar enough that he relaxed the moment after.

‘C’mon, Merls, let’s go steal one of the Princess’s rooms.’ Merlin nodded, vaguely noted that he was leaning into Gwaine’s touch as they moved from the room.

They stayed in silence even when they got to the guest rooms. Usually they shared, Merlin occasionally with either Gwen or Lancelot, but he guessed he would be with Gwaine tonight. He was walked in, while Gwaine began to get ready for the evening.

Even brushing his teeth felt like a burden. He did it slowly, methodically, trying to work out exactly how he had taken five steps backwards in progress.

It had been almost a month. He should have settled by now, should be back to the normal chatty Merlin that had been the centre of the group. Instead, he felt like he was withering away, slumped down against the sink and spat out the minty taste.

Gwaine was shirtless when he came back in. Normally, Merlin would try and sneak glances, but now, the very thought of trying to be with a man made his head hurt. He opted for moving towards the bed, glad that he’d got changed in the bathroom. Long sleeves and trousers hid most of Cenred’s marks, apart from the slight discolouration around his throat, but Gwaine was used to that.

‘Are we going to talk about it?’ Gwaine asked once the lights were out, the two of them sleeping on either side of the bed.

Merlin didn’t know what to say.

‘We don’t have to.’ He tried, heard how weak his voice sounded and fell quiet.

When he didn’t hear anything, he presumed that Gwaine had accepted that answer. Instead, he felt the stare on him as Gwaine rolled to his side, knew that if the lights were on he’d be able to see Merlin’s cheeks darkening.

‘How did you do it?’

‘I don’t know. It… I can do things. Things that don’t make sense.’ Gwaine hummed, the sound comforting, not the judgement he’d been expecting.

‘Can you show me?’

Could he? Merlin froze, before realising that this was Gwaine. Gwaine, who hadn’t said a word about Cenred since the day that he sat with Merlin in the bathroom.

He brought his hands up, knowing Gwaine wouldn’t be able to see the movement, before concentrating. It took more effort than usual, although he wasn’t sure if that was because he had an audience, or because of how exhausted he felt.

His fingertips began to glow, golden sparks flickering as he did so, before he looked across to Gwaine.

In the light provided, Merlin could see his golden eyes reflected in Gwaine’s dark brown.

‘Should’a called you sparky.’ Gwaine muttered, before a smirk twitched at his lips.

For the first time in almost six months, Merlin laughed.


	3. Sparky?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's just riding the nightmare

‘And how are you today, Merlin?’ Iseldir was a nice man. He didn’t push, he didn’t make Merlin answer questions that the boy didn’t want to think about. But, with his life crumbling in some departments, it was getting harder to avoid the inevitable conversations.

‘Fine. I’m going out later, with the others.’ The collective term for the group of friends that had adopted him, supported him when everything else fell apart.

Cenred was gone. Merlin’s statement had been enough to secure his imprisonment, without Merlin having to testify in person. That was good, because he didn’t think he’d be able to do such a thing. Nobody got to know what had happened, not the Court, not his Mum. Not Gwaine, and certainly not Iseldir.

‘Anywhere nice?’ The therapist asked, sitting back in his chair and twiddling the pen between his fingers. They weren’t in Merlin’s house, mostly because it had become more and more of a burden to make himself step through the door.

‘Just to the shops. I think Arthur wants to go swimming after.’ Six weeks had passed since Cenred’s arrest, and Merlin’s body could almost be considered healed. The scar on his abdomen was pink, with a couple of other white marks over his torso, but that was about it. It looked more like a horrific accident that months of abuse, and Merlin wasn’t sure if he preferred that or not.

‘That must be a big step for you.’ It would be, if he could convince himself to change with the others. That hadn't happened yet, he hadn't shown them the bruising and mess since the night that Ygraine had helped him.

‘I guess.’ He shrugged, aware that his leg was bouncing and he kept biting on his lower lip, trying to stem the panic that built up whenever they reached the end of a normal conversation.

‘And have you spoken to your Mother recently?’ This was what he’d been dreading. Merlin gulped down some air, turned to look at the window rather than meet Iseldir’s gaze.

‘I spoke to her on the phone yesterday.’ She’d asked him repeatedly if she needed to come home, but Merlin couldn’t think of anything worse.

‘How do you feel about her going away with your Father?’ The house was empty. That was what he wanted to say, to insist upon. The house was empty, and he hated it. He wanted to tell his friends, to ask if he could stay at theirs, but he didn’t want to be a burden. He wouldn’t even care if it was his Uncle that came to stay, just as long as he didn’t have to spend another evening in the place that was no longer his home.

‘She needed the time with him.’ He answered, hating the fact that she’d chosen someone else over him. It was selfish, he knew that, but he couldn’t help but want his Mum to stay with him. To comfort him, to explain why she’d lied about his Father for so long.

_‘He had to leave, sweetheart. I… I asked him to. At the time, he was in a dark place, with his job and spending all his money away, and then there was the alcohol…’ Hunith paused, flicking her gaze back up to Merlin, who stared at the threadbare carpet._

_‘He’s got help, now. We’ll only be gone a couple of weeks, just long enough to see if we can make this work.’ Away from him, that meant._

‘And you agree?’ Iseldir asked, while Merlin let his thoughts occupy him.

‘Of course. Whatever’s best for Mum.’

The lie tasted foul.

**

‘Again!’ Gwaine teased, while Merlin rolled his eyes. He focused again, stretching his hand out to command the candle that flickered away on the table. It burst to life, travelling up towards the ceiling as Merlin began to shape it into the first object that came to his mind.

A Dragon. With scales that burned with gold, eyes that narrowed at the two of them as he concentrated, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth.

‘Incredible…’ Gwaine whispered, reaching to touch, before a knock at the door had Merlin’s had snapping back to his side.

The Dragon faded, just in time for Morgana to peek around the door.

‘You guys ready?’ They were at the Pendragon household, supposed to be getting ready to go swimming. No doubt the others were down in the pool already, but Merlin still wasn’t sure he wanted to strip to his swim-trunks.

‘Almost.’ Gwaine replied, turning to pull his shirt off. Merlin dutifully avoided staring, unable to help the flicker of fear that came with thinking about Gwaine in such a way.

‘You don’t have to join, Merlin, if you don’t want to.’ Morgana was wearing a bikini, as usual, comfortable in the way she stood there. It covered very little, but then again, with a body like hers, why would she want to cover it? Merlin was envious, wanted to have the same confidence that she did.

‘I’ll be down in a minute.’ He answered, ignoring the opening to a conversation he still didn’t want to have.

Morgana left, and Merlin hesitantly reached for the hem of his shirt.

‘Merls?’ Gwaine was back, swim-trunks on and his eyes filled with concern, and the younger sighed.

‘I’ll catch you up.’

**

It had to be close to fifteen minutes by the time he finally managed to convince himself to leave the room.

It wasn’t that bad, he reasoned. The others knew what he looked like.

He walked down the corridors to the shower room, through the tiled building and to the pool behind it. Arthur was currently trying to dunk Percy, who watched in amusement while clearly maintaining balance, with Gwen leisurely swimming around them.

This was normal. They used to do this all the time, before Merlin had become a coward.

‘Hey Merls, come help me team up against Lance.’ Gwaine chimed, giving Merlin the much needed excuse to hurry down the steps into the water, feeling the gaze of several people as he did so.

Thankfully, nobody said anything, and Merlin was free to swim across to his friend.

By the time he’d shrivelled up to a prune, the fear of them judging had diminished. He climbed out of the pool laughing as Arthur tried to maintain his dignity at being beaten by Morgana in a race. Lance was still trying to deter Gwaine from splashing him, and Gwen was sitting on the edge kicking her legs back and forth.

Merlin sat beside her, copying the actions and watching the rest of his friends.

‘You doing okay? How’s Hunith?’ Merlin grinned across at her, nudging her gently and trying to ignore the stab of guilt that came with lying.

‘Good. A little exhausted with her shifts at the hospital.’

He’d tell them eventually. He would.

**

Merlin slurped up another mouthful of spaghetti, trying not to groan at the taste. So much better than pot-noodles, or beans on toast, which were the meals he was living off at the moment. His Mum had left him some cash, and he obviously still worked, but Merlin was trying to recover from giving all of his savings away to Cenred.

‘Merlin,’ Ygraine began, picking up a piece of garlic bread from the centre while smiling across at him ‘You never told me that your Mother had gone away.’

Shit.

His friends were staring, now, waiting for him to try and backtrack out of the lies he’d told for the past two weeks.

‘Uh, yeah,’ He looked at the spaghetti, which had suddenly become rather unappetising, ‘She’s gone with Balinor.’

‘For how long?’ Ygraine had this incredible way of shaping her tone, so it seemed like she was being nothing but curious. Really, he could hear the confusion and slight tinge of anger, probably because he hadn't told her that he was living alone.

‘She said a couple of weeks.’ Merlin answered, deciding his stomach would rebel if he tried to eat anymore.

‘How long has she been gone?’ Arthur cut in, a lot less skilled at hiding his anger.

‘Two weeks.’ Thankfully, he was saved from any more questions by his phone ringing, apologising quickly before going to hang up.

Until he saw that it was his Mum calling, so he decided it was probably best to answer.

‘Hi, Mum.’ He pushed the chair back, heading towards the nearest corridor so he could at least pretend they weren’t listening.

‘Merlin, sweetie, Hi. I’m sorry I’m calling so late, but I just had to ask,’ Merlin shut the door behind him, quickly concentrating back to the conversation,

‘Would it be possible for you take some of the cash I left to the bank in the morning?’

She hadn't left a lot. A couple of hundreds, just enough for Merlin to get by if he couldn’t make it to work.

‘Is everything okay?’ He asked, already trying to work out how much he still had out.

‘Everything’s fine, my boy, we’re just running a little low.’ She was lying, in the same tone she used when telling him he didn’t have to admit to what happened with Cenred. In the same voice she used when she told him he would be okay, and that they could work through this together.

‘How much do you need, Mum?’ A pause on the other end, where Merlin could have sworn he heard someone else talking.

It would make sense, Balinor would be with her.

‘Six hundred, if possible.’

Six hundred.

She’d left him three-hundred.

‘I’ll take it to the bank after school…’

‘Could you get it there before?’ Hunith cut in, the anxious tinge to her voice making Merlin’s heart crack.

They didn’t have to worry about money when she was with Cenred.

‘Of course. I can miss my first lesson, Mr Monmouth won’t mind.’

‘Thank you, baby. I’ll call you tomorrow.’ The phone clicked before he could answer, and Merlin was left staring at the black screen.

**

‘If I’d have known that Camelot High School had guys that looked like you,’ Merlin turned, identifying the voice that had spoken up, ‘I’d have played against them a long time ago.’

He was cute. That was Merlin’s first thought, staring at the man opposite. Brownish hair, eyes that crinkled at the corners while his lips quirked back into a smirk. Definitely worth ogling, Merlin thought, feeling his heart catch as he looked to the man leaning against the lockers.

‘You’re from Escetir, right?’ Merlin asked, shoving his gym kit back into his bag.

Escetir was a neighbouring High School, playing against Arthur’s team this Friday. This guy was probably on the team, from the looks of him, and that meant Merlin should definitely not be talking to him.

‘You can call me Will. Or anything you like.’ A wink was thrown in Merlin’s direction, in such a way that he almost failed to hide the blush.

‘Will, as in the Captain of the team?’ He questioned, deciding he probably should have stopped this conversation a long time ago.

‘Oh, so you’ve heard of me. All good things, I hope.’ He moved closer, the grin infectious as Merlin smiled right back at him.

‘Depends on who’s talking.’ Merlin shot back, surprised at the burst of confidence. Will laughed, another step breaking the distance, but he didn’t feel scared. No fear, just curiosity.

Will didn’t know who he was. He didn’t know that Merlin was broken.

‘Can I ask for your name, cutie? Or maybe even for a date, after the game?’ He should decline. He was the opposing team, and Merlin’s interests were firmly on a guy that he could never have, so it was quite clear that Will would just mess this up.

But Will didn’t know that Merlin was messed up. He didn’t know anything, and that was just as alluring as the man himself.

‘Merlin. And I don’t date strangers.’ He reached for his bag, hooking it up over his shoulder and watching as Will chuckled.

‘Well, we’re hardly strangers now.’

‘You play for the opposing side.’ Excuses, Merlin was good at those, but Will seemed to have an argument for every one he put up.

‘How about this, if my side wins, then I get the honour of taking you out.’ Merlin paused, lingering for just too long to pretend he wasn’t considering it.

‘And if our side wins?’ Merlin asked, knowing that this was a bad idea.

For once, he didn’t care.

‘Then I’ll grovel for the chance of a date?’ Will asked, lips still quirked back in a smile.

‘Deal.’ Merlin finally said, wondering if he’d just made a mistake.

**

‘Six hundred?’ Gwaine questioned, Merlin shrugging.

‘She’s my Mum.’

‘And that’s your money.’ He pointed out, while the two of them sat side by side, snacking on the pizza Merlin had bought.

Gwaine had tried to buy it, but Merlin had declined. He wasn’t a charity case, he could provide for himself.

‘She’s still my Mum.’ Merlin shot back, not really angry, just confused.

He’d not told Gwaine he was going on a date yet. He didn’t even know how to bring it up, not when he wanted it to be Gwaine taking him out.

Why would he, when Merlin was the one that always needed fixing?

‘You know I’m here, Merls. While I’m not the cleverest of the group, I’m certainly the handsomest.’ Merlin snorted, rolling his eyes and ignoring the way Gwaine wiggled his eyebrows.

‘You’re an idiot, that’s what you are.’ Gwaine laughed, snatching another slice of pepperoni while Merlin settled back onto the couch.

**

‘Your grades are, as usual, exemplary.’ Mr Monmouth smiled up at him, while Merlin looked down at the paper.

An A*. His first, since the Cenred-incident that meant his grades hadn't been counted.

‘Thank you.’ He murmured, staring down at the letter that he would have been so proud of half a year ago.

He still was proud. But now it meant something dangerous, that he could leave, that he could get to University.

That he could leave his Mum behind.

‘Keep up the good work, Merlin.’ He tucked the paper into his bag, leaving the room and spotting Arthur, leaning against the lockers and waiting for him.

‘You done, golden boy?’ He teased, and Merlin tried to ignore the burst of happiness that came when Arthur wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

Back to how things should be.

**

‘The so-called Prince of Camelot.’ It was after school, the day before the game, and Merlin should have expected Will to goad Arthur into a fight.

‘Here that, boys?’ Will called, looking back to his team, ‘I can call myself the Prince of Escetir.’ Laughter and hooting echoed from the team as they headed back to the lockers, the guest-changing rooms that Camelot High had offered to the visiting team.

‘Shut it, Ealdor.’ The surname of Will, spat out of the mouth of Arthur, who was already squaring himself up.

Gwen didn’t look impressed, nor did Morgana, flanking his sides while the team stood behind him.

Merlin just watched, more than aware that he didn’t want to get in this mess.

‘You going to make me, pretty boy?’ Will snarled, lip curling while Merlin pushed through the team.

‘Leave him alone, Will.’ Usually, it was Arthur defending Merlin. That was just the way it was, but Merlin was more than fed up of listening to the two bicker.

‘You know this guy?’ Arthur asked, while Will smirked.

‘We’re going on a date after tomorrow’s game.’ Merlin blushed when heads turned to him, shrugging.

‘Only if you lose,’ He told Arthur, ‘Which never happens.’ Will huffed a laugh, crossing his arms as he watched the two of them.

‘Didn’t know you liked sticking up for pricks like him, Merlin.’ He frowned, fully ready to defend Arthur, but the idiot was quicker.

He shoved Will, Merlin almost being barrelled aside so the two could fight. Will went to draw back a punch, Arthur biting out curses that could get him kicked from the team, especially this close to the school.

Merlin caught the punch before it could land, ignoring the flash of pain that came from doing so.

‘Both of you are acting like children.’ He snapped, aware that he was still holding Will’s fist, while looking at Arthur.

Arthur, who was staring at him in shock.

Right, he never got involved in fights, and he certainly didn’t have the hand-eye coordination to catch a punch like that.

‘Look at that, the little twink’s got muscle.’

In reflection, Merlin should have expected that Gwaine would defend his honour. In fact, they all went to, but it was Gwaine that lunged.

Merlin watched as they both went stumbling back, this time Will looking ready to actually land a hit, and Merlin panicked.

He didn’t want anyone hurt because of him. Especially not Gwaine, who cared for him more than he deserved. So, when watching Will’s fist come flying, Merlin didn’t have to think before his hand stretched out.

‘No!’ Before he could hope to stop it, his Magic (or as Gwaine called it, his voodoo) acted without his control, sending Will skidding back into the dirt without anyone touching him.

Gwaine’s head snapped across to him, eyes wide and clearly shocked, while Merlin tried to figure out what exactly he’d just done.

‘You… FREAK!’ Will shouted, stumbling to his feet and backing away from Merlin in terror, while he kept eye-contact with Gwaine.

‘Well, Sparky, what a way of telling the others.’ Gwaine muttered, the confidence Merlin needed to finally turn to the rest of the group.

‘I really can explain.’


	4. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ygraine's being a good Mum, Merlin's being a sad boi and Arthur's protective

Ygraine’s first warning was the screeching of tires, gravel going flying as her son’s car pulled into the drive, followed quickly by Morgana’s. Uther wouldn’t be impressed with the two of them hurtling around like that, but she was never going to tell on them. After all, she was sure they had a reason for running towards the doors at break-neck speed.

Her eyes lingered on Merlin, the last of the group to walk into the house, boxed on either side by Gwaine and Lancelot. She had a son, obviously, but Merlin was close to a second one. Shy, timid yet strangely protective over Arthur. Worth so much more than he ever gave himself credit for, Ygraine mused, thinking to the boy’s Mother.

How could she leave him alone? Was it the knowledge that it had been her to let Cenred into their home, or was it truly to do with the man that was Merlin’s Father? She hadn’t missed the phone call, following the boy out into the corridor in time to hear him promise to get her the money.

Had she not been sure he’d reject it, she’d have offered to pay. Merlin was stubborn, his jobs proved that, and his loyalty was unwavering.

‘Mother!’ Arthur didn’t bother knocking, threw the door open as the group of young adults bustled in. Morgana’s eyes darted around the room, possibly looking for her Father, and Ygraine realised this was a serious conversation.

‘What’s wrong?’ She asked, immediately protective over the bunch of teens.

‘Merlin here,’ Morgana reached back, taking the boy’s hand and squeezing, ‘He can do what Nimueh can.’

Whatever she’d been expecting, it wasn’t that.

For a moment, she didn’t quite comprehend what her daughter was talking about. But then she thought back to her own childhood years, to Nimueh’s golden eyes as she first showed her what she could do.

‘Quiet.’ It was the first word that slipped out, based on an instinct of knowing what would happen if her husband heard.

She shut the door, turning the lock and then looked back to Morgana, to Merlin.

He looked terrified. Standing still, one hand clasped in Morgana’s, the other itching by his side. Eyes wide, a deer ready to startle, but there wasn’t an ounce of a lie.

‘Show me.’ She tried to keep her tone soft, to soothe the boy, but it was difficult when her own heart was thudding away in her chest.

It wasn’t Morgana that prompted him, this time. It was Gwaine, nudging his side and smiling across, the look exchanged between them not unsimilar from Ygraine and Nimueh, when they were younger.

He didn’t have to speak like Nimueh did. His eyes simply turned golden, a small blue flame flicking to life in the palm he offered out. Perfectly controlled, drawing the eyes of everyone in the room as she stared.

Her boy, with Magic?

‘Who else knows?’ She questioned, reaching out for the flame. Merlin tensed, fingers curling back in like they were trying to hide the flame, but there was no need. It wouldn’t burn her.

‘Some jerk called Will, the football Captain from Escetir.’ Nothing she couldn’t handle, Ygraine thought, finally letting her fingers dance through the light. Merlin watched warily, still unsure, still so nervous.

‘I’ll make sure this stays between us, but for now, don’t tell your Father. Not until I’ve spoken to Nimueh.’

**

Merlin wasn’t quite sure what he’d expected from Mrs Pendragon, but it hadn’t been scrutiny. It hadn’t been her gaze as Nimueh questioned him, coaxing forward yet another flame from his hands.

Arthur stayed silent by his side, knee bouncing but otherwise relaxed, occasionally glancing over at him to check that he was okay. The others had been sent out, even Gwaine, which Merlin wasn’t too pleased with.

But he had Arthur, and his friend hadn’t rejected him, so he knew that he was safe here.

‘Emrys, you said your Father’s name was Balinor?’ He briefly nodded, jerking back when Nimueh hummed.

‘Is it the same one?’ Ygraine asked, not at all helping his nerves.

‘If it is the same one,’ Nimueh paused, flicking her eyes back to him, ‘Then Merlin’s not safe with him.’

Huh.

He wasn’t sure why he’d been expecting that sentence. Maybe it was just the vibe he’d picked up from Balinor, or the part of him that niggled away whenever he thought about his Mum being with him.

‘Why not?’ Arthur demanded, brash and bold as always. Entitled, that was what Merlin had called him on multiple occasions.

‘Balinor… he did something, with his gift.’

So, Merlin had got his gift from his Father. Finally, a piece of the puzzle fitting together.

‘Something that drew a lot of attention.’

His Mum had told him that Balinor had died. A car crash, fatal.

‘If people found out the boy was his son,’ Nimueh trailed off, looking to Ygraine.

Ygraine, who came across and crouched down, placing a hand on his thigh,

‘We can keep you safe, my boy.’

He’d always viewed the Pendragons as family. Maybe not Uther, but the other three had been there for him when he’d needed them. Even Nimueh, who had so carefully dealt with his bruises and injuries.

‘What about my Mum?’ He found himself asking, surprised by a strange look of defeat that crossed Ygraine’s face. Did she expect him to just abandon her?

‘I’ll talk to her.’ He didn’t like the sound of that, not one bit.

What if Hunith finally realised how much of a burden he was on her? What if she chose to leave, and never to come back?

**

He most definitely did not want to talk about it.

The others were in the room outside, chatting away as the shower water continued to cascade down. Hot enough to prickle his skin, while he slumped forward against the tiles.

Everyone seemed to be expecting something from him, but Merlin wasn’t sure what to give.

He wanted to go to University. He wanted to have a life, to go out with his friends and act like a normal man.

To be the normal one, in a group of perfect people.

The water began to chill, biting away the numbness of the burning water, something that he missed when he looked down at himself.

Cenred had told him his Mum would leave, if she knew the truth about him. He’d never believed it, not really, which was the ironic thing.

Because it had happened. His Mum was gone, and Merlin was left with eyes that turned dangerous, and a burden of something that Ygraine understood more than he did.

It didn’t take a lot of concentration to heat the water. A hand to the tiles in front, letting his eyes shut as he focused on his task. A moment later, he hissed out in pain as hot water hit his back, rolling down his spine before continuing the journey to the drain.

Everyone kept things from him. Ygraine did, when she told him that everything would be okay. Arthur did, when he smiled at Merlin with the normal protectiveness, but a doubt underneath that couldn’t be shaken. His Mum did, vanishing away into the night with a man that was supposed to be dead.

Gwaine did, when he told Merlin that there was nothing wrong with him.

His knees buckled, hitting the tiles as his hands stretched out to break the fall. The water grew hotter, steam rising as he tugged his legs up to his chest, folding as tightly as he possibly could.

For once, he just wanted to be the normal one.

**

‘Mum?’ Ygraine turned her head, found Arthur lingering in the doorway as she placed the phone back down onto the holder.

‘Arthur.’ She greeted, blinking back any tears that had threatened to form.

‘Is… Is Hunith coming back for him?’ Arthur liked Hunith, from what Ygraine had heard. She’d packed him extra scotch eggs when she made them for Merlin, occasionally would come to see his football games when she had the time off work.

Ygraine liked Hunith, until she’d learned of Cenred.

‘No… not yet.’ The woman knew what her husband was. Who he was, what he’d done, and why people would come after Merlin if the connection was made.

She’d fled, because her heart told her to go back to the man that she loved, even if her son needed her.

‘I heard you shouting.’ Arthur pointed out, but he didn’t raise his tone. Not to her. He’d always been a Mummy’s boy, just as Morgana had been the favourite of Uther. Both playing them off against each other, in the way that only her children could do.

Ygraine didn’t answer him, looking back to the phone. She had to admit, she’d lost her temper. Hunith was a smart woman, to have covered up that her son could do the unexplainable for so long. Surely she’d feared Cenred would find out, when he came along?

‘Merlin needs her.’ Arthur stated, worry tinging his voice. The bond between the two was a strange thing, a brotherly affection she’d never expected.

‘She’s not coming.’ Ygraine replied carefully, listening to the water run upstairs.

It had to be cold by now.

‘But… he needs her!’ Arthur’s frown made her tempted to kiss it away, to try and explain to her son that not everything was so simple.

‘No, what he needs, Arthur, is you. All of you.’ She took his hand, watched as he looked up at her hesitantly.

‘He won’t talk to us.’

‘He will. When he’s ready.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry if you wanted Hunith and Balinor to be good parents, because... well, it's just not happening


	5. A lesson of family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chap of this lil fic, for now!

‘Try… here, let me.’ Just because he expected the touch, didn’t mean it was easy to allow. Nimueh apologised under her breath, hands skirting over his hips merely to turn him to a better stance. It didn’t stop his muscles from tensing, his breathing hitching as he tried to ignore the pain that came whenever someone got this close.

‘Try now.’ She prompted, Merlin looking across to the target he was supposed to be aiming for.

He knew the others were watching. They always watched, waited, like they expected him to have something to say.

‘I can’t.’ He truthfully stated, dropping his hands when his Magic wouldn’t come to them. Nimueh flashed a look across to Ygraine, before staring back at him.

‘Why didn’t you use your Magic against Cenred?’

Someone must have spoke. It might have been Ygraine, scolding Nimueh, but the Witch simply ignored her friend in favour of turning to face Merlin.

‘W-what?’ He croaked, throat drying up at the mention of his Mum’s ex-boyfriend.

‘Why didn’t you use your Magic? Did you want Cenred to hurt you?’

‘Nimueh, that’s enough!’ Ygraine snapped, but she simply held a hand out, sending Ygraine tumbling back.

Merlin was left very alone, and very confused.

‘No! No, of course… no. I didn’t.’

‘So you let him beat you up?’ It was true, he had. He’d let it happen, because he was too afraid of his Mum’s opinion, of the others judging him.

‘No…’

‘Was it because you’re gay? Is that why you didn’t fight?’ She wasn’t being cruel, she simply was stating questions. Her eyes showed no malice, apart from a flicker of gold that always terrified him.

‘Shut up.’ He didn’t mean to say that, but Nimueh looked delighted.

‘Or maybe you thought it was easier, to be a coward.’

‘That’s not true.’ Nimueh’s Magic was doing something, rumbling the ground beneath them, but her eyes weren’t gold.

‘No? So why did you let him do it? Why did you let him press his foot down into…’

‘I said SHUT UP!’ His hand flew out on instinct, Nimueh yelping as she was sent flying back, narrowly avoiding the tree at the end of the clearing.

Merlin doubled over, breathing heavily while noting that the earth was still rumbling, pebbles collecting at his feet in tiny piles as Nimueh smoothly rose up.

‘Maybe you liked the attention. Maybe you wanted everyone to find out what had happened, to know that you let Daddy get away with…’ He realised, belatedly, that she was trying to goad him. His hand hovered over the stones, willing them to obey, before he dragged them up in front of him.

Pebbles, that slowly merged into a much larger rock, which he then hurled straight at the Witch.

She brushed it aside like it was nothing more than a leaf, stepping towards him.

‘Again.’

He did as told, concentrating on his Magic, refusing to give in to the anger that bubbled under his skin.

When his eyes shut, it was to flickering memories of hits and cuts, bruises and whispered apologies to a man that quite clearly didn’t care.

When his eyes opened, Nimueh looked unimpressed.

‘You lack control.’

You lack heart, he wanted to say, but he kept it to himself.

**

‘She’s a harsh teacher.’ Gwaine dropped down beside him, crossing his knees while Merlin looked out across the pond.

‘She’s right. I’m awful at this.’ His friend hummed for a moment, before nudging his shoulder.

‘Maybe anger isn’t the way to get it to work. When you showed me, how did you control it?’ By a desire to show off? To impress?

Or the fact that it was Gwaine, and Merlin had always had a soft-spot for the man. Even now, when he knew he most definitely wasn’t worthy of it.

‘I don’t know.’ He lied, surprised when Gwaine’s hand came to settle over his.

‘Have a little faith, Merls. You controlled it when Will was there.’ But that was because it had been _Gwaine_ facing off against him, Gwaine with the risk of getting hurt.

Merlin didn’t want anybody hurt, but especially not Gwaine.

‘Why didn’t you tell us?’

How many times had people asked him that question? How many times had he wanted to tell the truth?

‘I did think about it, when it first happened.’ Merlin found himself admitting, fingers digging into the dirt while Gwaine’s hand stayed on top of his.

‘But it got worse, and… I don’t know. I thought I deserved it, that my Mum was happy and I shouldn’t ruin it for her.’

‘And Mithian?’

‘He said she was disappointed in me, for what I am.’ Gwaine frowned, squeezing his hand softly.

‘Who you are.’ He corrected, leaving Merlin to look across.

‘I’m sorry if I hurt all of you.’ Merlin truly was, he’d never meant for it to affect them.

‘You didn’t hurt us. We just want you to know we’re here for you, Merls. I’m here for you.’ Gwaine’s hand didn’t move, and Merlin couldn’t bring himself to snatch it back.

Instead, he looked back to the pond.

‘What if she doesn’t come back?’ He whispered, swallowing sharply when tears began to prick at his eyes.

‘Then you’ve got us. Me. A family, to support you.’ He let the tears spill, run down his cheeks until they dripped to the floor.

‘I don’t want to lose anyone.’

‘I’m not leaving.’ Gwaine’s hand left, but only to reach for his cheeks, to brush at the tears that Merlin had no control over.

His hand lingered, Merlin tilting into Gwaine’s palm without really meaning to.

‘Merlin…’ That tone was new, low and tempting and comforting, Merlin looking up at him.

‘Gwaine?’

He watched, mostly in disbelief, as Gwaine’s eyes drifted down to his lips, before looking back up.

‘May I?’ He could hear his heart, skipping away inside his chest while Gwaine stayed perfectly still, waiting.

‘I’d like that.’ Merlin found himself saying, letting Gwaine’s hand guide him as his eyes shut, lips brushing over his.

It was nothing like what he’d expected. Gentle, plush lips barely tracing his own, before Gwaine pulled back. Merlin didn’t need to be able to see his reflection to know his eyes were golden, that the pond had lit up with little droplets of water lifting from the surface.

‘Mm, I think we found out how to control your Magic.’ Gwaine teased, his thumb drifting over Merlin’s lower lip.

‘I think we should practice?’ Merlin shot back, earning a laugh from the other man.

‘Practicing sounds good.’

**

‘Gwen! Gwen come here!’ Morgana squealed, clapping her hands together and bouncing like an excitable child. Gwen abandoned Arthur, moving across to where her friend was looking out of the window.

It didn’t take her long to spot the reason for Morgana’s excitement.

A cloud of blue butterflies were surrounding the pond, glowing softly as the sun set. But it wasn’t the beauty of those that they were staring at.

No, they were focused on the two men sitting in the centre, Gwaine’s hand around the back of Merlin’s neck as they kissed.

‘Arthur!’ Gwen called, her boyfriend abandoning the book he’d been reading to come across. That, of course, meant the others began to trail over, curious.

‘Are we going to have to give Merlin the talk?’ Elyan joked, before being hit on the arm by his sister.

‘Great, now I need to threaten Gwaine.’ Arthur muttered, but Gwen didn’t miss the smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he looked across at the two of them.

‘It’s not anger that controls Merlin’s Magic.’ Morgana was right, Gwen realised, as she watched the light dance around the edge of the pond.

It was love.

**

‘I think I’m going to apply to Uni.’ Gwaine rolled over, propped himself up on his elbow and peered over to where Merlin was lying.

It was probably close to 3am, not that he was complaining.

‘That’s great.’ Gwaine murmured, proud, watching as Merlin looked over. Even now, without the Magic that was embedded in his veins, his eyes were a light gold.

‘We could go to the same one. I mean, if you wanted…’

‘Wherever you go, Merls, I’ll be right behind.’ Gwaine stated, sincerely.

The younger man laughed, shuffling closer and shaking his head.

‘Not behind. By my side?’ This was why he’d fallen in love with Merlin. Nothing to do with his looks, although they were obviously a big bonus, or his sharp mind.

It was his ability to be compassionate, even after everything that had happened.

Mostly to stop Merlin from being able to see the fact that his eyes were watering up, he leaned over to kiss him, just gently.

They had a long way to go, before Gwaine would push any boundaries. Just because he didn’t flinch when Gwaine took his hand, or cupped his cheek like he was now, it didn’t mean he didn’t tense up.

‘Always.’ He promised, knowing it had never been truer.

Any secrets that Merlin had, he’d be there to share them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a very lovely Christmas guys! <3


End file.
